I've been going through some pretty intense deep tissue healing over the past few days in my South direction shamanic retreat. Yesterday was no exception but the emotions burst out after the healing during an "inappropriate" time. My energy flipped like a light switch and I was filled with anger and hurt and had to find an excuse to get up and leave the room. I found myself in a state of emotional release I had not experienced in a very long time.
I beat myself up for this for several hours, feeling like a fool and knowing I'd have to face again all the eyes in that room that watched me walk out. I berated myself for my weakness, my vulnerability, and for being "too emotional". I dreaded the judgment for my "over reaction" and for being "too much.". I had worked so long and hard to keep my emotions under control and there they were spilled out of my carefully kept container and spewed like a diarrhea explosion for all to see.
But just like any toxins kept bottled up for too long, there comes a point when the Container gets too full and the only space left is outward, typically with uncontrollable force. The deepest of hurts are the ones with the most power over us...creating "uncontrollable" reactions. The only way to prevent this is by treating the toxins and dumping them when they happen. Storing them and ignoring them only makes the brew more volatile and caustic.
Be gentle with yourself right now. Pay attention to your body and mindset cues and address the "twinges" before they are triggered into explosive force. The lions gate portal is about transformation and we need to clear out the old toxic energy to allow in light to fill the space. But do it on your own terms in the presence of self love and among others with compassion and understanding for your healing journey. Even the healers need healing. Being strong does not mean holding it in. Being strong is having the courage to go inward and release the emotions that are difficult to feel.
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